I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
