I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
