somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize