Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
