Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
