"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize