and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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