so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
