Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My vagina just recognized that song.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
