id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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