if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
