beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
