I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
