Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
