BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
