I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
