i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
