he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
