Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
