It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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