I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
