Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
