You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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