he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
