sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize