Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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