I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
even my farts smell like vagina
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
