i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
