his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
