please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
