For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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