did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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