I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
