So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
