I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
