True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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