Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
