Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My feet surprised me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
