there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
