dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
