every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
