u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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