im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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