She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
