where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
