pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
