$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
