You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
