theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
