i think i have two assholes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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