I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
