I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
