I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
