this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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