Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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