i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
