you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize