you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
