Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
