pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize