He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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