I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
