i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
