Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
