to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize