You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
