Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there's paper in my vomit.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
