People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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