If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
