We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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