My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
