Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
