Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
