We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
