I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
