He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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