I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
