put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
