I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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