I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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