At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Success! We fucked roommates!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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