Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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