if you like me you must not know who I am
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
