i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
