we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
