it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
