did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
