You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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