Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
