Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
