Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
