its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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