Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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