Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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