I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
