this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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