Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
