Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
