I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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