I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
