dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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