If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize