her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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