just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize