hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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