we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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