pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
