you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she looked like the before picture.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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